Inspired by Alanis

I was just thinking of the men who've made a difference in my life. Alanis has a song called "Unsent". That seems like it would be kind of healthy.

Dear Robert,

You were the first guy I fell for. We both worked in the theatre, which was my love at the time. You seduced me while we were building the set for "Personals"

It's kind of a shame that you had such a low opinion of yourself that you thought you had to lie to me. You needed a knight in shining armor, and I suppose I needed to be a knight in shining armor. I was just 18 and you were 21. You lied. So I suppose I'll leave it at that. I don't regret never having seen you again.

Dear (guy)

I know your name, but I don't want to embarrass you should anyone you know happen to read this. You somehow convinced me to sleep in the same bed with you when I decided that I didn't want to go home, and somehow I thought that would be safe. Well. It wasn't. We had a thing for a while. You caused me quite a scare when I found out you were HIV positive. I have been checked and checked over the 15 years since that happened and I'm negative. You didn't know, and we were always safe. Too bad we weren't each other's types.

Dear Shaun,

Oh God. You have caused me more pain than any human being on this planet and that's saying a lot. We loved each other for 3 years. You took the chicken way out then and then you took the chicken way out when you killed yourself. I'm pretty angry at you. But, at least, I don't blame myself for your death anymore. "It's easy to love someone who's dead. They make so few mistakes" -Torch Song Trilogy

Dear Keven,

Yeah, you were straight. Yeah, I had no business falling in love with you. But damn it, you said you loved me too. We had a weird relationship. I could have loved you forever, but the no sex thing was really wearing on me. I'm sorry about the pressure I kept putting on you. I just wanted to show you how much I cared for you. I was also pretty naive about the whole thing. You taught me a valuable lesson. DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH A STRAIGHT BOY. You're married now and have kids. You were one of two men in my life that I truly loved, and I searched and searched for you after Shaun died. I had this insane desire to make sure you were ok. When I finally did find you, I poured my soul out to you in an email. You never responded. Sorry if it made you uncomfortable.

Dear Michael,

Whoah! You were a trip. The most beautiful man I've ever seen. How cool was it that you decided to have an affair with me. You weren't married, you were in fact recently divorced. You were also very intelligent. Pretty emotionally messed up tho. I had a crazy obsession with you. How could someone not? You really embodied everything I wanted in a man. You also taught me a lot of things. a. Don't get involved with crazy people b. Don't let yourself fall for a guy who doesn't give anything back in return. c. Those things I was attracted to in you are so exciting, but certainly not healthy. Strangely I think I may be becoming you.

To the others,

I am sorry I didn't include you here. You didn't effect me as strongly emotionally as those I mentioned did. Don't take it personally.