Test...Test...

Is this thing on?

Test...Test...

Hello all, and welcome back to Someone Else to Catch this drift. Named after the lyrics to an Alanis Morissete song to which I can personally connect called "All I Really Want." Check it out if ya have a chance.

Anywho.

Been a great looooooooong time since I posted last. Ya see, some things have become apparent to me of late. Visits to psychs and other cool people like that have lead me, and the docs, bless em, to the conclusion that I am.....wait for it.....BIPOLAR. Whoo Hoo.

I'm not screaming crazy bipolar, I'm just kinda lightly bipolar. Where screaming, crazy bipolar people will just be super-dooper happy (Hypermania) for a good deal of time, then earth shatteringly depressed for a good deal of time. I get what they call Hypomania. Which means I get happy...not super-dooper. Nope. Just happier than perhaps I should be.

This does not happen very often. I am very energetic during these times, and creative and fun to be around. I get into hobbies and I can write a lot about different things, I take pictures, I might even draw or paint. I feel really creative and have a desire to mingle and just get out into the world.

Then there is the rest of the time. Just the opposite of everything I have just mentioned. I get sad, depressed, lonely, not so fun to be around. There are suicidal thoughts and plans, this occurs rarely, but it does occur. In these moments (hours, sometimes days) I can see no reason to live and look about, lazily, for a way to painlessly cease to be. These are the darkest moments and thoughts, they fill my mind and nothing else can get in. Luckily, I can feel them coming on and I can (hopefully) put myself in the care of someone who will keep an eye on me. Now that I know the beast with which I do battle, I am very careful to talk to my close friends about this and they are aware that these feelings can come on somewhat quickly and I may not be in a frame of mind to ask for help, so they keep an eye on me.

When I'm not in quite that low a frame of mind, but still depressed, which is a vast majority of the time; I don't want to be around anyone. I just mainly want to sleep. Things pass me by. I drag my tired and unhappy butt around school or to the store, I pretend to be chipper and happy, which takes a lot of energy, and then go home and sleep. I drop people from my life. I don't see family or friends. I never call anyone. People start to wonder what happened to me and then they get fed up and just drop me from their lives, understandably, as I would probably do the same thing with someone who was treating me in that way. So when this stage, which usually lasts for about 6-8 MONTHS is over...well, I go about trying to pick up the pieces of my life and put them back together.

Where am I now? I have no idea. This thing doesn't label itself to me very well, and it doesn't snap on and off like a switch. I have the desire to be creative. I have the desire to write this blog. I have the desire to help people. I have little desire, however to be around other people. I don't really thrill to the idea of making new friends right now. DO NOT mistake this for a misunderstanding of what a friend is, or how valuable a friend is. I do not dislike people and I do care deeply for the friends that I have. I just do not want to be around other people right now. I'm easily bored with conversation. Very little interests me and so I'm really just not that fun. I feel that I might be in a transition period toward better times.

Hey. It's really cool that I know this now and that means that I can confront it on whatever level I feel it warrants.

To those of you who desire friendship, keep trying...Don't give up on me. I'm here, just understand that this is an illness. It's not something I can "snap out of." The people that stay in my life even through the terrible depression are the ones who I count as my strongest allies and bosom friends. They know who they are.

That is not a diss to anyone who isn't there. They don't know what I'm going through and, as I mentioned before, they have every right to feel that I am not a reliable friend, due to my disappearing acts. I understand and accept this.

By this way...check out that link for bipolar (or this one...it's the same one.) from the National Institute of Mental Health. Then you can read what it's all about, if you want.

So...that's what's going on in my neck of the woods....I hope to bring this blog back up and running and get my tech news back up and running. I also might get into some other fun and cool stuff.