This blog is moving

Hey all...

I'm moving the blog. I got a domain and stuff so I'm moving it on over there.

The new link is

www.shayalon.com

That's it. Come on over and check it out.

Laters

Alanis Morissette

I've been enjoying this video lately. I LOVE ALANIS. I can't get enough. I've always hated that "My Hump" song. It caused me to go from liking the Black Eyed Peas to disliking them. Aparently Alanis didn't think the song was that great either, hence the parody.

You gotta be freeking kidding me!

Illinois police arrest teen after teacher "disturbed" by essay

By Jeff Long and Carolyn Starks
Chicago Tribune

CHICAGO — Told to express emotion for a creative-writing class, high-school senior Allen Lee penned an essay so disturbing to his teacher, school administrators and police that he was charged with disorderly conduct, officials said Wednesday.

Lee, 18, a straight-A student at Cary-Grove High School in Cary, Ill., was arrested Tuesday near his home and charged with the misdemeanor for an essay that police described as violently disturbing but not directed toward any specific person or location.

Continue story at the Seattle Times Website

This is an example of overreacting. This kid instructed to write a FICTIONAL essay. He wrote one. His teacher had him arrested. The kid should have been commended for creating such a strong reaction with his FICTION.

There is NOTHING that this straight-A student could have written in a fiction essay that warranted this kind of response. How disgusting. The teacher should immediately be fired, along with anyone who colluded with him.

What the hell is this world coming to?

Charlie The Unicorn

When you're down and you're looking for some cheering up
Then just head right on up to the Candy Mountain Cave
When you get inside you'll find yourself a cheery land
Such a happy and joy-filled and perky merry land
They've got lollypops and gummy drops and candy things
Oh so many things that will brighten up your day
It's impossible to wear a frow in Candy Town
It's the mecca of lovely Candy Cave
They've got jelly beans and coconuts with little hats
Candy Rats, Chocolate Bats it's a wonderland of sweets
Ride the candy train to town and hear the candy band
Candy Bells it's a treat as they march across the land
Cherry ribbons stream across the sky and to the ground
Turn around, it astounds! It's a dancing candy tree
And the candy cave's imagination runs so free
So now Charlie Please will you go into the cave!

What the hell?

photo by demedulce at flickr

This lady is nuts

courtesy of Obstinate.org

This is what's wrong with people. This is that same sense of entitlement that pisses me off sooo much.

The lady..get this..CALLS THE COPS CUZ BURGER KING DIDN'T MAKE HER HAMBURGER RIGHT!!

Direct quotes from the recording...(which you can listen to for yourself at the link above)

Cop: Ma'am, I suggest you get your money back and go somewhere else. This is not a criminal issue. We can't go out there and make them make you a cheeseburger the way you want it.

Lady: Well, that is- that- You're supposed to be here to protect me!

Cop: What are we protecting you from? A wrong cheeseburger?

Lady: No!

Cop: Is this a harmful cheeseburger or something? I don't understand what you want us to do?

Check out what they're trying to do do Internet Radio. IMPORTANT

Mike Daisey Audience Protest, Walkout and Attack

Ok. This is terrible. I have never heard of Mike Daisey. He's pretty funny. The group walks out....

People think they have the right to not be offended. They do. However, they are in conrol of that. If you don't want to be offended. Don't go anywhere that might potentially expose you to offensive material. Stay in your house, turn off your TV, tape up your windows and exist there. Or, you might just decide that reality is going to have some offensive bits. DEAL WITH IT.

If you go to a show, you should a) know the show's content b) have respect for the performer.

It was absolutely inexcusable that someone destroyed his papers.

From what I gather, a high school choir group went to the show and their chaperone decided to leave due to the language. The chaperone is the one who poured water. Inexcusable behavior. Showing the kids that it was ok to do that, while protesting a performing artists language. The very DEFINITION of hypocrisy. If you are uninformed enough to take your innocent, virginal, raised-in-a-cave kids to a show with shocking foul language, and then realize your mistake, you should quietly get up and leave. When the artist asks what the heck is wrong, say:

"I made a mistake, I was not aware that this show would have such foul language. I cannot allow the children to see this sort of thing, I apologize for my rudeness, but if I don't leave, I'll be fired from my job."

Then perhaps you won't get people like me feeling that you are a pathetic loser with no redeemable qualities.

Thoughts on Virginia Tech Massacre

I work at a college paper. Tonight I went to a candlelight vigil in memory of those who died at Virginia Tech.

Hmm.

I guess I haven't really given it much thought. I hate to sound uncaring, but I think most people around here pretty much feel the same way. This affected almost no one around here directly. There was a good showing at the vigil, but there were no tears in evidence. Everyone showed up, did their moment of silence, prayers or whatever, then they left.

I took a few pictures for the paper. Then I left.

I gave it some thought on the way home.

To feel this sort of tragedy one needs to get into the victims. Needs to see them, hear them, feel them. Otherwise they're just characters in a tv show. Something that happened to other people. It loses it's reality.


Liviu Librescu and G.V. Loganathan


Ross Alameddine



Jamie Bishop


Maxine Turner



Professor Jocelyne Couture-Nowak


Nicole White


Henry J. Lee


There were many others. These people died. They're gone.

I kind of needed to put a face to these people. Make them real in some way. They look like people I might see, might know. They were having a good time when these pictures were taken. That's all I'll ever know of them.

They had parents, sisters and brothers, Husbands and wives, lovers and friends. Those people said goodbye to them that morning, that weekend, or even a month earlier and and knew with some certainty that they would see them again. They never will.

That sucks.

A lot.

Do you recognize this picture?



Lori Lewis-Rivera

She was the little sister of my first girlfriend. She was a little brat, like little sisters can be, but I remember her fondly. I used to hang out at her house constantly. I watched Labyrinth for the first time with her. She said I had to watch it, it was so good. It was...

She was killed by the Beltway Sniper in October of 2003. These things can hit home sometimes...

Inspired by Alanis

I was just thinking of the men who've made a difference in my life. Alanis has a song called "Unsent". That seems like it would be kind of healthy.

Dear Robert,

You were the first guy I fell for. We both worked in the theatre, which was my love at the time. You seduced me while we were building the set for "Personals"

It's kind of a shame that you had such a low opinion of yourself that you thought you had to lie to me. You needed a knight in shining armor, and I suppose I needed to be a knight in shining armor. I was just 18 and you were 21. You lied. So I suppose I'll leave it at that. I don't regret never having seen you again.

Dear (guy)

I know your name, but I don't want to embarrass you should anyone you know happen to read this. You somehow convinced me to sleep in the same bed with you when I decided that I didn't want to go home, and somehow I thought that would be safe. Well. It wasn't. We had a thing for a while. You caused me quite a scare when I found out you were HIV positive. I have been checked and checked over the 15 years since that happened and I'm negative. You didn't know, and we were always safe. Too bad we weren't each other's types.

Dear Shaun,

Oh God. You have caused me more pain than any human being on this planet and that's saying a lot. We loved each other for 3 years. You took the chicken way out then and then you took the chicken way out when you killed yourself. I'm pretty angry at you. But, at least, I don't blame myself for your death anymore. "It's easy to love someone who's dead. They make so few mistakes" -Torch Song Trilogy

Dear Keven,

Yeah, you were straight. Yeah, I had no business falling in love with you. But damn it, you said you loved me too. We had a weird relationship. I could have loved you forever, but the no sex thing was really wearing on me. I'm sorry about the pressure I kept putting on you. I just wanted to show you how much I cared for you. I was also pretty naive about the whole thing. You taught me a valuable lesson. DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH A STRAIGHT BOY. You're married now and have kids. You were one of two men in my life that I truly loved, and I searched and searched for you after Shaun died. I had this insane desire to make sure you were ok. When I finally did find you, I poured my soul out to you in an email. You never responded. Sorry if it made you uncomfortable.

Dear Michael,

Whoah! You were a trip. The most beautiful man I've ever seen. How cool was it that you decided to have an affair with me. You weren't married, you were in fact recently divorced. You were also very intelligent. Pretty emotionally messed up tho. I had a crazy obsession with you. How could someone not? You really embodied everything I wanted in a man. You also taught me a lot of things. a. Don't get involved with crazy people b. Don't let yourself fall for a guy who doesn't give anything back in return. c. Those things I was attracted to in you are so exciting, but certainly not healthy. Strangely I think I may be becoming you.

To the others,

I am sorry I didn't include you here. You didn't effect me as strongly emotionally as those I mentioned did. Don't take it personally.

My personal coming out story

I have an assignment in my journalism class to write about what it means to be gay. I've certainly given it a lot of thought over the years. Perhaps I will start with my story:

I am the child of an alcoholic, broken home. I don't think that that has anything to do with my being gay, it just sets the stage for a pretty messed up childhood. I figured out that I was probably gay when I was about 13. I noticed that everyone else was having these huge sexual things for girls. My brother and the other guys I hung out with were all very turned on by pictures of naked women and they reacted in a way that I couldn't really relate to. It didn't bother me too much at the time. I really didn't think much about it.

My father received a porn advertisement in the mail. They used to do this. I don't think that they do so much anymore, since it's all available on the internet now. I checked the mail and secreted it away in my room. I checked it out and discovered that I was really turned on by the men. Again, I didn't really think much of it, I didn't have any sexual education and I figured everyone must be turned on by men and women or else porn wouldn't have both in it.

The rest of my teenage years were pretty much a blur, I don't remember much. I had a few encounters with a couple of guys, usually with the pretense of a game of truth-or-dare. As I got older, it really started to get to me. When I was 15 or 16 I got drunk while camping and confessed to my assembled friends that I thought I might be bisexual. They were pretty cool about it. One friend said, "As long as you stay away from me."

I accepted my "bisexuality," but I secretly knew that there was more to it. I was deeply concerned about what this meant for my life. I hoped that I would grow out of it. My brother told my sister, who was pretty pissed off about it. I don't remember her reaction, but I remember it being negative.

From that point, I pretty much tried to change it. I fought tooth and nail against my growing "perversion". I wasn't like other people and I didn't like it.

When I was 16 I met Angie. We started dating and eventually I moved in with her family. My home life had been pretty terrible. I was into drugs and drinking. My male parental figure was incredibly emotionally abusive. I was a good kid. My grades sucked because of the pot I smoked on a daily basis. I had no motivation to attend school because no one had ever bothered to explain to my why it was important. The change of residence was a huge step in the right direction in my life. I went from being a loser, sissy, nerd boy to being appreciated and respected for my abilities. Angie's mother was a great parent. She was fairly permissive, but with steadfast rules which were never to be broken. During the time I lived there, she allowed several unwanted teenagers to move into the little 3 bedroom trailer. Her heart was (and is) the size of a mountain. I became her leiutenant. I presided over family meetings and came to be respected as a provider, advice-giver, and decision maker in the household. My self-esteem flourished under these conditions.

My homosexuality was always on my mind, but I mentioned it to no one. Everyone I'd told about it in the past had been informed that it had just been a phase I'd been going through, which I was happily out of. "See, I have a girlfriend."

After about a year, with no sex in our relationship, Angie started to question whether or not I found her attractive. I was head over heels in love with her, but sexually...there was nothing. I told her that I was a traditional religious boy and that we'd wait for marriage to have sex. We went to church on a semi-regular basis, and I prayed that God would change me.

He didn't.

The pressure to have sex was increasing. Angie took it very personally and assumed that I didn't find her attractive. She was very jealous because she was worried that I'd find another girl who I found more attractive. I've never been one to do something that I didn't feel like doing, so I just didn't have sex with her.

Around that time, I confessed to a close friend, and member of the teenage tribe that had formed in the house, that I was bisexual. Which, of course, I wasn't, but I was completely unwilling to admit to myself that I was gay. She told me that I should tell Angie. After much heartache and drama, I did. The backlash was that now she was jealous of both men and women.

Our relationship lasted three years. The last several months were an emotional nightmare for me. I had to face the fact that I didn't find Angie, or any female for that matter, attractive. I got very depressed and contemplated and attempted suicide. I finally had to tell Angie that we were through. It wasn't fair to her and it wasn't fair to me. I loved Angie with all my heart and it tore my soul apart to let her go. People tend to discount this. They assume that because I was gay, that I didn't have the capability of loving a woman. These people are dead wrong.

Angie reacted by moving out of her mother's house. I was left there, living with her mother and her sister. I'd just come out to Angie, and now she was gone. Her mother and sister were confused about our breakup; we'd seemed so happy. I didn't have the courage to tell them. I was afraid they'd toss me out on my ear and I'd have to go back to living in undesireable condidtions with my family. I locked myself in my room for several days. (To be continued)

Short Bus

Wow. I just watched Short Bus. A movie I'd heard very little about. I knew that John Cameron Mitchell directed it. I had no idea what I was in for. I love JCM very much. I think he's a genius. This thought has not changed. I recommend this movie.

Don't watch it if you are remotely prudish however. We're talking beyond full frontal nudity here. We're talking actual sex. It's the most sexually graphic movie I've ever seen (outside of porn)

I find that incredibly refreshing. As one reviewer said on IMDB It "puts sex in perspective -- as part of all of our lives."

The movie had the depth I expected from JCM. Great story, great emotional depth, great sense of humor, great everything. Shame most people won't see it because of the sex stuff. Anyway. Great movie, see it if you want.

Simba's Ordeal

Hey there. I had quite a rude awakening this morning. We went out this morning to view the landscaping and cleaning up that had been done on the front yard of the house. It looks pretty awesome by the way.

Well, anyway. We hear this unholy meowing, coming from the air conditioner which is sitting in the yard awaiting it's summer use. I go up and remove a panel and hear the meows again. But I see nothing. Carol says "Is that Simba?" I look and see nothing, then she points to a place that a cat could not possibly be.





Simba was smashed into a space that was like 3 inches. I have no idea how he managed to get himself in there. He just meowed and meowed and I tried to comfort him. Carol went and found some tools and we got half of the bracket that held the wheel into place off. We were able to take some pressure off of him, for which he was grateful and tried to escape..but still couldn't move much. After a bit of frenzied prying and pulling we finally managed to get him out. he was covered with oil and water and was very cold. We took him in and put him under some warm water to warm him up and to wash some of the stuff off him. He's a bit loopy and isn't walking very well.

I hope that his condition is due to exhaustion and that he'll be back to his old crazy self soon. I laid in bed with him for a while to try to warm him up, cuz he was still shivering. I finally had to get up and built a little sauna for him out of my blanket where he is currently resting comfortably and warmly.

Today

Let's see. It was a slow day. I woke up and slept and slept and slept. Then I got up and went out and played with the horses a bit, then I slept some more. I don't like this sleeping thing. It's a nasty sign of depression.

I broke it off with Duane today. Kinda feel bad about that, but it's really for the best. I don't want to "drag his heart around" and I'm just not feeling it. I feel better having gotten it off my chest.

High point of my day...(I'm supposed to journal this, and it's kind of a good idea)...

I suppose it was when it first started raining and I was in town with Duane and it smelled so nice and it was really spring. I like that. I suppose it's not much, but it's something.

I took some pictures today. I'll share a few.

If anyone is reading this, which I doubt, you can check out the rest of my photographic endeavors online at
Flickr

On Casino Royal:

Bond is bond. This bond is ok. He's not interesting, not really funny. He's kind of an asshole. And thus continues the 007 misogynist fun. Women are pretty poorly treated in the bond films. They serve as not much more than things for Jimmy to have sex with. Judy Dench plays a strong M, but sinch any trace of sexuality has been removed from her, M might as well be being played by Don Knotts. The other girls serve as the sex puppets Ian Flemming wrote the type to be. I also missed the whole gadgets thing. What on earth made this movie's creators decide to do away with that bit? It's really one of the most enjoyable aspects of the movies. Q, with his precognitive abilities is able to tell just what gadgets will come in handy on Bond's next outing and James will use each and every one of them. We see a quick bit when Bond gets his new car. He's got some crap in the glove box, but we don't really see what it is...and it turns out to be coincidental thing...won't tell what, cuz don't want to spoil.

What a weird day

To start things off, I earned a cowboy badge today. Woke up and was kinda groggy, went to the kitchen for the coffee of the mornin' and standing with my back to the window. Duane looks over my shoulder and says that there is a horse out. I say "don't say things like that!" As it turns out the whole damn herd and most of the boarded horses have broken out of their stalls in the night. We rush outside. Carol is in emergency mode and sets off to seal the ranch so we can minimize the damage. So I run to close the front gate. Some horses are missing. We search around and I spot them. We work together to round them up and get the herd horses and the boarding horses into the pen, I grab a couple of the board horses and get halters on them and lead them into stalls. The horses must have gotten spooked by something; they ran through 4 metal panels which seperate the stalls, and 2 fences. Pulled bolts out of a cement wall. But, it all ended well. One of the horses has some scratches on his hind leg. That was the extent of the damage to the horses. The stalls...well...they got pretty messed up. The others fixed the fences and will probably fix the stalls tomorrow. Me...I'll be back to school tomorrow and be putting the paper out all day.

Freaks

Schiltzie, the "Pinhead"
Cast of "Freaks"
Just got finished watching Freaks. A movie from 1932 about people who today would be referred to as "special". People who were born different. They marketed it as a horror movie, but the people who put it together seemed to have been very much in favor of equal treatment of the so-called freaks. It's actually kind of a sweet little story. The main guy in the movie is a little person named Hans. He looks like a 5 year old, but is an adult. The ones who really intrigued me were the "pinheads": Three women who were born with microcephaly, a congenital disease which affects the growth of the head, leaving the person with a tiny cranium. Kinda strange, and it certainly affects inteligence. It seems like I would have seen it before now, I'm sure the disease still exists Anyway, found it on google video. Watch it HERE.

New York: What I saw on broadway

I had written a detailed account of my trip and what happened, what drama existed, how and why I was happy or miserable and all that good stuff, but I’ll save all that stuff for my book. Here’s the highlights of my trip:

Went to TWO Broadway shows: Avenue Q and Spamalot: the Musical.

They were wonderful, especially Avenue Q. It is like Sesame Street on crack. There were people and puppets working together on stage, and the people who operated the puppets were just there, emoting and talking in the same way they were making the puppets emote and talk. It was funny as hell. This song is called "Everyone's A Little Bit Racist" Check out a CLIP. (The cast is different than the cast I saw, I think the cast I saw was a bit better.)

If you liked Monty Python and the Holy Grail, you’re gonna like Spamalot: The Muscial. They do all the great bits from the movie and flesh it out a lot more. I didn't see the version with Tim Curry, but the guy who did it was very good and kind of looked like Tim Curry. Here's a CLIP, it's not from the show, but it's some people who sing "The Song That Goes Like This" very well

I’ll hit ya’ll with other cool stuff later…

The Burning of the Moto V265 Cell Phone

I made this video yesterday. Enjoy

Mysterious Object

Ok. So I was walking along the shops at Venice Beach in California. There is this park area between the shops and the ocean. I found this thing there. It's mysterious. I was wondering if anyone has any idea what it is or where it came from. It looks pretty old. Let me know if ya know.

How to get what you want from Customer Service

Photo by Joe_Focus Check him out at flickr

I spent several years in telephone customer service. I got into it because I liked helping people with their problems. I worked for a major satellite company and did turns as general customer service, technical support, and supervisor handling what we called "escalated" calls. The supervisory postition was the best.

This is the scenario, generally:

Customer calls about let's say...pay-per-views on their bills that they did not order. They get to general customer service and the rule is that we do not refund pay-per-views. We are certain that they were ordered, because we kept very good track of that sort of thing. Most likely, Junior was exporing his sexuality and didn't realize that mom would find out about it. Junior says, "I didn't do it!" and mom believes him and suddenly it's a random mistake on the part of the satellite company.

Call escalates.

I get it.

Me: Thank you for holding. This is Daniel, I'm a supervisor. I've been briefed on the issue by the representative you just spoke to. But just to be sure, why don't you explain the problem to me.

Customer: There's a $10 pay per view on my bill, and I didn't order it.

Me: Ok, let me take a look. (looking) Yep, here it is. Looks like someone ordered "The Boobies of Madison County" at 2:30 am on June 3rd.

Customer: No we didn't! My husband and I were sleeping at that time.

Me: Is there anyone else in your household?

Customer: Just my son, but he would never do anything like that. He's only 15.

Me: (to self) ok...he's a boy going through the horniest part of puberty...porn is the furthest thing from his mind. (to customer) Well. This pay per view was ordered by the remote control from the access card which is labeled "Bobby's Room."

Customer: No, that's some kind of mistake.

Me: Well there is one way to find out. Why don't we go into bobby's room and I'll show you how to look at his order history. Pay per view orders are recorded by the box, so there is no way that those things can have been put there by accident.

Customer goes into Bobby's room and and sure enough, Bobby has ordered the movie. I walk Mom through how to block Bobby's access to X-rated movies, or alternatively, how to block his access to any pay-per-view.

Usually this ends the conversation, with Mom indicating that Bobby is going to have an unpleasant discussion when he arrives home from school.

Occasionally, Mom will ask that the charge be removed. As a supervisor I have the right to offer what I will call a "One Time Pay Per View Credit." I tell her, now that she has been informed of how to keep this sort of thing from happening again, I will offer her the aformentioned credit. Which will appear on her next bill.

We're all happy. Mom's more educated about how to use the equipment and less naive about the sexual proclivities of her son.

I told you that story to tell you this one:

There are some things that are universally true in the land of customer service. One of which is the "Sir" or "Ma'am." If you get that, in an exasperated tone of voice, you know that you aren't going to get very far with this representative, and it's likely your fault. If you want your problem solved, heed this list:

1. If you are unreasonable, no one will help you. If you piss off the representative on the phone they will not go out of their way to help you. They will close their ears and stop listening to you and say things like "Sir" or "Ma'am" and you'll get that tone of voice. At this point you might as well hang up.

2. Don't be arrogant. Saying "I make 10 times more money than you do." or does not endear the person you are talking to. It makes them resent you. Also, don't say things like, "I've been on hold for 45 minutes! I make $300 an hour, are you going to reimburse me for that?" their thought will be "I have to deal with jerks like you for a living, are you going to reimburse me for that?" They will not help you.

3. Don't threaten the representative. Don't tell them about lawyers or senators or attorney's general. They don't care. This affects the representative in no way whatsoever. The company has legal departments for this sort of thing.

4. Don't yell at, swear at, or insult the representative. They will not help you.

5. DO be calm.

6. Do understand that the representative has NO CONTROL over the company's rules and regulations. If they say that they cannot do anything about your problem, thank them for their trouble and ask if you might speak to a supervisor.

7. If you are kind to the representative, then they will fight for you. They may even put you on hold and talk to their supervisor to plead your case. Most supervisors are reasonable people and will do what they can to help you.

8. Supervisors aren't omnipotent either, however. So if they say that they can't do anything, they probably can't. Ask if there is a manager you can speak to. They will likely say that their manager is not available. Ask if their manager can call you.

9. Don't be frivolous. We had a guy who would call in every month to get the sales tax taken off of his bill. His beef was with the government. It was like 35 cents. We'd just do it, but it was annoying and eventually there was a note from a manager telling reps not to refund it anymore. I got that escalation. The customer cancelled his account over 35 cents. That's really his problem. Make sure that your problem is really worth all this frustration.

10. Hold times. Oh..they suck. It is not the fault of the representative, however. Starting a conversation with "I've been on hold for 30 minutes!" will get you the "Sir" or "Ma'am" and the tone of voice.

11. Occasionally, you will get a representative that is a jerk or who hasn't paid their brain bill. I don't know why they keep them. Sometimes they're just new. Sometimes they're just having a bad day. Whatever. Feel free to talk to their supervisor about their attitude or simply hang up, call back and hope for a better one next time.

Hopefully these ideas might help.

Test...Test...

Is this thing on?

Test...Test...

Hello all, and welcome back to Someone Else to Catch this drift. Named after the lyrics to an Alanis Morissete song to which I can personally connect called "All I Really Want." Check it out if ya have a chance.

Anywho.

Been a great looooooooong time since I posted last. Ya see, some things have become apparent to me of late. Visits to psychs and other cool people like that have lead me, and the docs, bless em, to the conclusion that I am.....wait for it.....BIPOLAR. Whoo Hoo.

I'm not screaming crazy bipolar, I'm just kinda lightly bipolar. Where screaming, crazy bipolar people will just be super-dooper happy (Hypermania) for a good deal of time, then earth shatteringly depressed for a good deal of time. I get what they call Hypomania. Which means I get happy...not super-dooper. Nope. Just happier than perhaps I should be.

This does not happen very often. I am very energetic during these times, and creative and fun to be around. I get into hobbies and I can write a lot about different things, I take pictures, I might even draw or paint. I feel really creative and have a desire to mingle and just get out into the world.

Then there is the rest of the time. Just the opposite of everything I have just mentioned. I get sad, depressed, lonely, not so fun to be around. There are suicidal thoughts and plans, this occurs rarely, but it does occur. In these moments (hours, sometimes days) I can see no reason to live and look about, lazily, for a way to painlessly cease to be. These are the darkest moments and thoughts, they fill my mind and nothing else can get in. Luckily, I can feel them coming on and I can (hopefully) put myself in the care of someone who will keep an eye on me. Now that I know the beast with which I do battle, I am very careful to talk to my close friends about this and they are aware that these feelings can come on somewhat quickly and I may not be in a frame of mind to ask for help, so they keep an eye on me.

When I'm not in quite that low a frame of mind, but still depressed, which is a vast majority of the time; I don't want to be around anyone. I just mainly want to sleep. Things pass me by. I drag my tired and unhappy butt around school or to the store, I pretend to be chipper and happy, which takes a lot of energy, and then go home and sleep. I drop people from my life. I don't see family or friends. I never call anyone. People start to wonder what happened to me and then they get fed up and just drop me from their lives, understandably, as I would probably do the same thing with someone who was treating me in that way. So when this stage, which usually lasts for about 6-8 MONTHS is over...well, I go about trying to pick up the pieces of my life and put them back together.

Where am I now? I have no idea. This thing doesn't label itself to me very well, and it doesn't snap on and off like a switch. I have the desire to be creative. I have the desire to write this blog. I have the desire to help people. I have little desire, however to be around other people. I don't really thrill to the idea of making new friends right now. DO NOT mistake this for a misunderstanding of what a friend is, or how valuable a friend is. I do not dislike people and I do care deeply for the friends that I have. I just do not want to be around other people right now. I'm easily bored with conversation. Very little interests me and so I'm really just not that fun. I feel that I might be in a transition period toward better times.

Hey. It's really cool that I know this now and that means that I can confront it on whatever level I feel it warrants.

To those of you who desire friendship, keep trying...Don't give up on me. I'm here, just understand that this is an illness. It's not something I can "snap out of." The people that stay in my life even through the terrible depression are the ones who I count as my strongest allies and bosom friends. They know who they are.

That is not a diss to anyone who isn't there. They don't know what I'm going through and, as I mentioned before, they have every right to feel that I am not a reliable friend, due to my disappearing acts. I understand and accept this.

By this way...check out that link for bipolar (or this one...it's the same one.) from the National Institute of Mental Health. Then you can read what it's all about, if you want.

So...that's what's going on in my neck of the woods....I hope to bring this blog back up and running and get my tech news back up and running. I also might get into some other fun and cool stuff.

Why the hell didn't I know that Richard Pryor died? Ya know who else died? Pat Morita of Karate Kid fame...and the guy who wrote the Berenstain Bears. It's all very sad. But Richard Pryor. I loved richard Pryor.

Wow. Over a month has passed since my last post. Unreal. I guess that a few things have happened.

I lost my singing voice, which has been terribly traumatic, as I have always had it, and actually used it in one of my jobs in the past. I'm hoping it will come back, but it's been gone for about a month.

Today was the first day of the finals of my first semester at college. I'm looking to have a GPA of about 3.8...which I'd like to say..ain't half bad.

Just wanted to throw something out there that I just found

A 1957 Plymouth Belvedere was buried in downtown Tulsa Oklahoma in 1957. It was to remain buried for 50 years and those fifty years are almost up. Included in the car were 2 gallons of gasoline, just in case the people of 2007 no longer used it as a fuel. (Optimistic, weren't they?) Also inluded was a case of beer, and a bottle of tranquilizers. That's a fine combination.

I love time capsules. They're neat. There's one that was just rediscovered from 1872 in Hawaii

Oh, I should mention, I'm no longer on the Atkins diet. I decided that school stress vs diet stress was going to kill me.

Well. That's all for now. Just wanted to post something so people didn't think I was gone...

Hey!

It is Tuesday.

Hallowday.

I just went with a new friend out along the ridge of the canyon, then we went an took a golf cart tour of the Blue Lakes Country Club. I'm not a big fan of country clubs. Exclusivity always kind of irks me. It was very enjoyable tho.

I was almost certain that I was going to fail my Psych test on Monday. But I seem to have gotten a B+ on it.

I don't have much else. I need to get a scale so I can keep track of my diet progress. I also need a job. So I'll try to work on that today...I'll let ya know how it goes.

Later

Hey all. Sorry haven't been around. My main computer got attacked by the Sasser worm, and none of the fixes have worked. So I'm doing this on my laptop, which is fine, but all of my stuff is on the main computer.

Today's photo is from Evita. I'm the one in the back, obviously. It was my last show at Knock 'Em Dead.

Well, today is day 4 of Atkins. I've been doing very well. I've been eating steak, or chicken and broccoli or cauliflower or greenbeans. That's about it.

Went back to the Unitarian church today. It's good. I don't feel entirely comfortable there, because I am most comfortable with the Wiccan religion. But that's the closest thing that I have found. I'm sure I'll feel more comfortable as I get to know people

Let's see. School is going well, nothing new there at all. I was pretty upset that I didn't get a chance to attend the first meeting of the GLBT group. Now I haven't been able to get hold of anyone there. It's really annoying.

hmm. I have to study for yet another psychology test, I did get my Blackboard class completed, so now I know something that I have no business knowing...but I earned a credit for it so whatever.

Notice that I changed the pic that was previousy on my profile page. This is new. I'm not really that good looking. It was just a trick of the light :) I've been asked if those are really my eyes. Yup.

Let's see what's out there in gadgetland....check back...I will post something soon.

Gadget of the Day

Well I found something interesting and downloaded it. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet...gotta give it some time. It's called deskloops.

It a new way to organize the windows on your desktop. Check it out and let me know what you think. I was turned on to it by LifeHacker (see link at right). It's from a company called xilokit.

Hey all.

Today's picture is from 2000. I checked out the webpage of the dinner theatre I used to work for, and found that they had posted some picures of shows I was in. This one is from Jesus Christ Superstar. Which is my favorite of all the shows I did. I played Annas, I'm the one in the foreground here, singing with a scowl.

Today I went to school, and then I went to SOS staffing to see if I could find a job. They don't hire part time. So I got a hair cut. She cut more off than I wanted!



Just kidding. I took that picture after I shaved my head several years ago. I thought it looked good, but my friends all thought I looked scary.

I've considered doing it again...not sure tho.

I'll probably update my real picture tomorrow.

Tomorrow I start Atkins. (it, among one other thing, which I won't mention just yet) is the reason I am so svelte in the bald pic, I had lost 60 lbs. So off I go again. I bought a lot of meat, cheese and veggies at Winco today.

Gadget of the Day

Check this out. RFID. Radio Frequency IDentification. If you aren't familiar with it. It's a device which transmits a radio signal to it's immediate vacinity. The signal contains information about whatever the thing is in. It is currently being implanted in pets. It's like the little tag on the collar, but is able to carry much more information, like the address info of the owner, so that the animal can be returned to the owner.

In the future, some hope to implant these in humans (see below). The thought is that it could contain health information, be your house or car key, carry your credit card info, and other stuff. Imagine all you have to do is approach your door and it'll open, approach your car and it unlocks, leave your car and it locks when you get out of range. No more searching for credit cards, you just chat with the clerk as he rings up your groceries, and without a thought it's added to your debit card.

The bad side? Well, there could be well hidden RFID readers everywhere...they'll be cheap and mass produced. So the government or big corporations or whatever could register your presence when you walk by a building, when you get into an elevator, when you board an airplaine, or when you enter the local porn shop. Kind of a nasty little invasion of privacy scenario. Some even say that when humans are implanted with this, it will be the biblical "mark of the beast".

Is convenience worth it?

For more info check out Wikipedia



Photo of Amal Graafstra, a Washington state native and business owner, having an RFID chip implanted in his left hand in early 2005.



This file is licensed under Creative Commons
Attribution ShareAlike 2.0
License:http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

Today's photo is the downside of Alligator farms. Yep. It's a box of Alligator heads. We asked the people at the alligator farm what they used the alligators for. They said that they were used for food and for breeding. I can't imagine eating an alligator, but I supposed it could be done.

I added a few links to the page the other day. The sites that I spent a great deal of time visiting:

Cruel.com is probably going to leave it's spot, because although it's funny, it's cruel, and I realize now, that it's pretty much just negativity. So it will be replaced.

Worth1000 is one of the best sites out there. It'll entertain you for days.

But the one I wanted to talk about today is Memento Mori, which is pictures of dead people from the victorian era. It was quite okay to do it at that time. They aren't autopsy photos, they're made with love by the families of the deceased person. There is a certain morbid sweetness to it. I usually tell people that even if the idea creeps them out, they should check it out. Death is so ignored in modern society. I became fascinated with the idea when I saw the film The Others. Just really opens up a whole new perspective on late 19th century life.

Let's see...

Today was fascinating in Biology and Psychology. In biology we discussed the building blocks of protiens, how they're created and stuff. Which is very complicated, but actually such a beautiful process that takes place in our body constantly.

I had a whole cool thing written about what I learned in psychology, but blogger, again, deleted it...and I don't feel like writing it again. Sorry.

I will be back later with Gadget of the day

I just posted this a few minutes ago, but blogger deleted it...So here goes again...grr.

I took today's picture on yesterday's trip to Balanced Rock. It's of aligators. "Aligators in Idaho?" You might say. Yes, there's an aligator farm not too far from here, and they do indeed have alligators.

Today I went to church for the first time in 16 years. People that know me, know that I always make jokes about not going into churches because it makes my feet burn. This church, however, was a Unitarian Universalist Fellowship. A very positive place. No hate, no judgementalism, no going to hell cuz I'm gay. The "sermon" if you want to call it that, was about love and fear, which are opposites. There was a guided meditation using crystal meditation bowls, and banana bread, apple crisp and coffee. Met lot's of cool people and will be going back every Sunday, if I can.

Last night I went to a play with a couple of friends from Mountain Home. It was on the CSI campus. The Theatre department was putting on bunch of short plays. It was really nice. I fell in love with one of the actors. Though I didn't actually meet him. He was just really attractive and a good actor as well.

Well, that's about it for now.

Don't have anything for Gadget of the Day, cuz it's Sunday, and they don't post new stuff on Sundays. I will have a new one tomorrow.

This morning I got up at 8 and almost immediately recieved a call from Selina who was in town and wanted to have breakfast with her son, who was passing through. So I drug my carcass out of bed and she picked me up. We went to Flying J Truck Stop. They were having a bad day there. The gravy was 2 parts salt, 1 part liquid, so I sent back my biscuits and gravy. Got the chicken fried steak on the promise that they would use gravy that was't so salty. It arrived, still salty and something had gone horribly wrong with the hasbrowns. I gave up. Not usually being one to complain, I just said that it was okay, and not to worry about it. Selina insisted that I not pay for it, and managed to get them to give me the uneaten meal for free. I'm such a weanie sometimes. I just hate conflict so much.

Anyway...after the breakfast fiasco, we decided to go tourisming and I got my camera, and the guy at the gas station told us to head out to Balanced Rock, which is about 11 miles from here. So we did.

Today's picture is the world famous (never heard of it, have you?) Balanced Rock. Neat huh. It's over 48 feet tall and weighs 40 tons. I've seen pictures of it all my life, but I never actually saw the rock. It's pretty hard to get too near it, cuz of all the walking uphill required. So I took a bunch of pictures of it. The whole area is full of similar rock formations. Really pretty. There is a neat little park there, and I took a few pictures in the park, but only of the see-saw and swings. Selina went and talked to some Mennonites who were picnicking nearby. She is far more social than I.



Gadget of the Day

Not necessarity a gadget, but a great free software suite that matches up very well with Microsoft Office. It'll open all sorts of files and is very easy to use, and it's free. Couldn't be better. A must for people who are going to school and can't afford to shell out $130 for it's Microsoft counterpart. I have nothing against Microsoft, but did I mention free? Click the graphic to go to the page.

No picture today. Just don't have anything interesting.

Let's see, anything interesting happening? Not a whole lot. I ran into a guy I met a couple of years ago, today. It was very nice to see him. He had quite an impact on me, when we met. Like when you meet someone, and you just connect almost joltingly. We hung out for a couple of weeks, and then he had to go back home. We lost touch shortly thereafter. I think about him a lot. Glad to have run into him.

Not much on the school front. I think I need to reapply for financial aid or something for next semester. I was already approved for it, but...I'm kind of confused. If only there were some kind of office that I could visit to get the answers....Oh..yeah...there is.

I do need to find a part time job. The little boy in me says, "I don't wanna work!" and I certainly don't want to work at a restaurant. I don't really want to work with the general public at all. I really don't like the general public that much...I have worked with the general public all my life, either over the phone or in person. There are too many greedly little jerkwads out there. The lady who thinks that because someone else get's it for free, then she should too, regardless of the circumstances. The guy who is so angry that he continues to be a dick once you've solved his problem. The people who take no responsibility for anything, everything that happens to them is someone else's fault.

I must sound a bit bitter, but 10 years in the customer service industry'll do that to a guy.

I am, not purposely, watching some stupid ghost show on the Travel Channel. "Ghost stories are more scary when they're true." What..ever. Oh, my God, they are channeling with bad accents. I shit you not, one of them just said "No one means you any harm, and you are in the body of a very good friend of mine"

Priceless

My father was a ghost hunter. We would always go spend the night in old abandoned houses, and I was always having supernatural experiences when I was a kid. I wish I still believed in it all. I just see these "mediums" on tv and am just offended that they could think me as stupid as they must. The other day on Dead Tenants, there were these two mediums in the house. One of them said that there was a fire...she saw children burning, then she starts crying and embarrassing herself. Then just a few minutes later another medium goes into the room. and starts saying, "I feel like I'm walking through thickness, like a deluge. I see my children being swept away" The voice-over guy says that the other lady was seeing a fire too. Yep. Children being swept away in a deluge of fire. (deluge is flood, for those what don't know) The show just wanted to make sure that they had all the information to back up their fire theory, which, coincidentally another investigator had discovered evidence of at the local library. Apparently a train crashed a mile away from the house. Which, naturally, lead to burning children in the basement.

But I do go on.

Have fun all.

I have decided to add a few things to the daily blog. I'm going to add a gadget feature: Gadget of the Day. Usually from Gizmodo or Engadget

Gadget of the Day

From Engadget



Kind of cool looking new phone prototype. I like the design. It's entire front surface is an LCD screen, which is perfect, cuz you get a small phone and a large screen. With all the hooplah lately about scratching on the Ipod Nano, I would imagine that we won't be seeing this anytime soon. Unless they can come up with a good scratch proof coating or make it out of diamond or something. It's also run on a fuel cell, which sounds all futuristic and cool, I hope there is some benefit to it, like it'll run for a year without a recharge, or it recharges in like 1 minute. That would be very nice.

Hey all. I have just moved the blog back over here from Yahoo 360. They're still in beta over there and they kinda suck. SO...

I was thinking this morning over all my horrific depression of the past, some of which I posted about earlier in the year. I was pretty desperate for a reason to live there for a while. Wierd, huh. I was grasping at anything and anyone who would give me purpose. Which, of course, scared the hell out of any guy who would show me the time of day. There was a guy who I met at the bar, after the whole Michael fiasco which I may save for a later post. Anyway, I met this guy at the bar and he was pretty hot and we went home...nuf said. Then he called me again a few nights later, came over and...nuf said. I really didn't know this guy from Adam, and I start to get emotionally entangled in him.

After I lost everything, which happened around December 2004, it was like I'd been knocked off a cruise ship. I'm there in the water trying to swim, but getting really tired...exhausted. Searching for any peice of flotsam that might be floating by to sustain me, keep me afloat. It's nice to be able to have that kind of introspection. There is hope that I won't allow it to happen again. Michael really hurt me, but I had no business with him in the first place. Mike, (the other guy, as it seems that anyone with whom I become romantically entangled, has to be named some variant of Michael), was just a guy. He didn't know me and we messed around a few times, but I had no business expecting him to be that flotsam, or explaining to him that he was that flotsam.

In retrospect, that was pretty sad. I hope that I'm over it. I have purpose, at least for the next seven years or so.

Took my math test. Hopefully did well. Starting to read the psychology book every day, so's I don't have to read 100 pages the day before the test. Oh, and I managed to get a B+ on the big psychology test.

Well, that's about all I have to say right now. Today's photo is of a sign, welcoming people to the part of town in which I live. It's not nearly as glamorous and it seems...really.

Have fun all.

Technorati Profile

(copied over from yahoo 360)



Today's picture, because I'm still working through my portfolio and haven't taken any new one's yet, is of the previously mentioned tower. I am standing at the middle of the base, looking up.

I will take more pictures soon.

Today was the dreaded Psychology test. I think I did very well. Which is good, considering that I spent the entirety of yesterday studying it. Not really much more than that. Started the Biology poster project idea. Now we are discussing how giant cow farms are destroying the environment, which is sooo true. Not just because they stink, but because cow waste is somewhat toxic after you put antibiotics, heavy metals, medicine, etc into it. This stuff just sits in a big lagoon for months and the bacteria and junk have a field day, at the last the antibiotic resistant bacteria, who will now live to mate with (bacteria don't really "mate" per say, but they do share genetic material) the other antibiotic resistant bacteria to create a superstrain of antibiotic resistant bacteria. Nothing wrong there.

Mostly an uneventful day. I have, in theory, a friend coming up from Jerome to spend some time with me this afternoon. She's going through kind of a rough patch.

I kind of feel like this is a whole new start for me. Mostly because it is. I have my life back. I have no money, but I do have freedom. I am solely reliant upon myself to get through and I don't have to worry about anyone else's welfare. It's a good thing.

I better roll now, I have to...uh...well, I don't really have anything to do, I just don't have anything else to say.

Have fun!

(copied over from yahoo 360)



Here is a picture of my desk. My mess. The one I have been trying to tackle all day. The demons in my head, however, keep saying things like, "Don't you need a DVR instead of just that boring old cable box?"

So off I went to the cable place to get one. I can sure afford it, I have no job and no income!!

The other thing I've been doing today, is attempting to study for this big test coming up. Which I am proud to say I am doing right now. I'm not typing a blog entry, heavens no.

Today has been pretty good. I've been popping Ginseng like they're going out of style, so my focus has been pretty sharp...comparatively. I have ADD, I suppose I should mention that. I have been off my meds for about 2 months and it's a little hard to concentrate on one thing. I have replaced my Strattera with Ginseng. (cheap and over the counter)

(copied over from yahoo 360)

Today I decided to put up a picture of the famous Perrine Bridge in Twin Falls. It's very pretty, and it's quite the popular destination for base jumpers .

Well, I have met a few people here in Twin Falls. It hasn't taken my social life to new levels. I'm kind of feeling alone here. I'm sure that will change.

Let's see.

Today:

I went to school. Had a Biology test and found out that I aced a humanities test. Booyah! I have a Psychology test on Wednesday about which I have read nothing. Cram time...ick. Now that I live here. I will start reading my homework every night.

I have this problem with reading. I cannot have any distractions at all. TV off, no music, no talking. I see people all over the school sitting there with headphones on and reading away. I wish I could do that.

I rented, uh...lemme check the name...be right back.

It was Closer , starring Jude Law and Julia Roberts and two other people who I don't know. BOORRIINNGG. I hate relationship movies. I like romantic comedies, and really good romantic dramas. I just hate slow-ass relationship movies.

I've been putting off studying tonight. I played a bit of a video game that I can't tell you the name of because I'm a beta tester (ooohh..fancy, eh?) I signed a non-disclosure agreement. So, I guess I can't talk about that...

I need to clean my house better. I get so bored and then I think, "I'm bored, what should I do....uhh." and a little voice says "clean your fucking house"...and I say, "What...uh..nevermind I'll watch TV."

I wonder if the HTML works yet...let's see...

checking

One more try Test Link to Cruel

(copied over from yahoo 36o)

I keep starting these things, and I never seem to keep up with them. If I am confronted with it daily, like in the Yahoo! Messenger, perhaps I will keep it up.

So. What happened today.

I went to school for the first time since I moved to Twin Falls . It's much nicer than living in Mountain Home . The city of my birth. Plus it's not nearly as much of a drive. It took a good hour and a half to get to school every other day.

Living in my new apartment is pretty boring. I haven't lived by myself for many, many moons. There is something very nice about it though. I can watch what I want, sleep when I want, walk around naked (usually done on the way from the shower to the clothes), I can turn off the TV to do homework, which is beautiful.

I'll try to include some pictures of my daily life on the blog. The one today is of the tower on The College of Southern Idaho campus.

A little history of the tower, from what I've heard. When the college was being built, back in 1952, there was delivered to the campus 3 I-beams, incorrectly. The President of the college decided, instead of sending them back, to use them. Thus we have the tower.

I think that's about enough for today, besides...I don't want to write too much..gotta save some fun stuff for tomorrow.

EDIT::I am a bit pissed off about the whole html tag thing not working....Maybe yahoo will fix that.

EDIT²: Figured it out, with no help from Yahoo!, thank you very much. I have to use the little link tool. Ya know, I don't think I have ever emailed a company that responded to my email. Companies get big, like Yahoo!, and they stop giving a shit about their customers.

Hey

Today I filed my taxes..woo hoo

It was also, as I learned a bit belatedly...my sister Sandy's birthday..48.

So..I went to the bar to with her a happy. She wound up buying me 3 shots of tequila and I got nauseous, of course. I came home.

Big woop. I had a day.

Oh..I've stopped taking my meds cuz I cannot afford them anymore. That should be fun.

later

Heyla

I got up this morning and immediately headed to Boise. I had to deliver my badge and Headset to DIRECTV. That finalized my job there and I am officially an ex-employee. Now I am starting to realize that I am truly unemployed.

I took Judith, Martin and Samuel to IHOP (I Hate Old People) and dared the kids to order "Rootie Tootie Fuckin' Fruity". They didn't..but they probably would have if I'd let them. Then we went to the mall...and did mostly walking around. Back to Judith's and then I came home. That was my excitement for the day.

The new animated show, "American Dad", sucks. I can't believe it's made by the same people who made "Family Guy". Oh..and there was this "Puppy Bowl" thing on Animal Planet that was just fuckin' weird. Mom said that since 3pm they've been just showing puppies in a superbowl-like pen. Weird.

Yesterday I watched Napoleon Dynamite...I really don't know what I think about it. I think there was a time when I would have loved it. Also watched...uh...Shaun of the Dead...Which was pretty good.

Some more good comix


Dominic Deegan: Oracle for Hire Cute...good story.

Pathetic Geek Stories Unfortunately reminiscent of my adolesence.

and I got a big kick out of

Spamusement takes junk email titles and makes them into single panel comix. Hilarious.

That's all for now. Later

Hi again...
Nothing happned today
Went shopping..
Found another great web comic Road Waffles a touch violent...but well written.

The guy from Seattle called today. I think he got turned off by my attraction to another guy..shit I haven't even met him yet. That kind of clingyness is not attractive at all.

I have a major decision to make. Do I move to Seattle or just stay here? This decision has been tearing me apart for months now and I cant seem to figure it out. It's pretty heavy..I just don't feel like it's the right time to do it. I feel like something needs to click. I was so ready to do it when I got back from my visit up there.

I need to figure this shit out.

I also need to go to health and welfare and see if I can get a good psychiatrist. These meds aren't working apparently. I can't afford my old psych anymore since I no longer have insurance since quiting my job.

I'm running out of meds and that is a bad thing.

I wish someone would read this...I'd like some feedback on my life :)

No one has yet tho...
We'll see.

Latah

Just want to pop by and say....It happened again last night...

Later..

Hey...
I've been undergoing the worst depression for well over 2 months now. Meds haven't helped. But hey...Life change is a-comin'. Might pull me out of it yet.

I interviewed for Wells Fargo today. Personal Banker position...sounds pretty rad. (yeah...I said "rad", whatcha gonna do about it?) It went pretty well. I'll be expecting a call sometime this week.

Been trying out some new webcomix today...nothing to write home about. I did discover Sluggy Freelance, which I loved and Something Positive both of which I have been enjoying immensely, but i've been working my way through their archives for the last week or so. Everything else sucks balls..so far.

I should brag a bit. 1 week ago today I got laid. I realize I should keep this stuff to myself, but he was sooooo beautiful. Like a cross between River Phoenix and Johnny Depp. (except alive..in the case of River)He's one of those straight boys you find at the bar at closing time. So I don't imagine I'll be hearing from him. But I'm going back tonight...so who knows.

Beyond that..nothing much. I'm going to now get my lazy ass up and go play City of Heroes for a while...

Piece owt

Well, it's late at night. I can't sleep. I just took a sleeping pill and now all I should have to do is put this thing down and go to sleep. I seem to have renewed my interest in Online comix. I just found some that I hadn't seen in a long time by reading my previous posts. Its good to have a blog...i think.

Decided to change the name to Craziness. I wonder if there is any way to have a discussion board put into the blog. I'll have to investigate.

Pretty boring day. Went to work. Came home.

So, we'll hope for more interesting things tomorrow.

I wish I had a way to hear from others. I guess I could put my email address in the blog. I'm a genius.

Okay...not thinking about death anymore. Now thinking about life, relationships, and why I need one. I made the statement today, "I want a relationship so I can have stability." My friends said that relationships just make you less stable...because you're always worrying about keeping the relationship. Can't win for losing. bummer.

Well...I've been enjoying the hell out of my recent obsession with gay online comics. I've found a few I'd like to share.

This was the one that got me started. Fabulous artwork...but hasn't been updated for a while. There's still plenty there to keep you busy for a while.
Queer Nation: The Online Gay Comic

This is a very cute one. I check up on this one every day, the author, Sandra, is very prolific, and consistantly funny!
Boy Meets Boy - Like the Gay Odd Couple. Only Sexier.

Of all, however, this one is my favorite, I hope you can see why:
Buster Wilde: Weerwolf

If you develop my obsession, check out a pretty great comics site, it has all the above named comics and about 180 more.
HOMni - Comic Strips online

Ta! ( Oh yeah, my email address, please write me!)
shayalon@qwest.net

My Blog for yesterday, is just not here. I took about 30 minutes writing the damn thing and it's not here. I'll get over it.

Anway...today..

Okay...today I've been thinking about death. Fun huh? Well, there was this guy I didn't know, his name was Mitch. He died. He was pretty old, so it was pretty much his time. The family brought in this huge photo montage (to the flower shop where I work...I'm a bookkeeper, not a florist.) It had alot of pictures of his Navy days, and there were a couple of pictures of him with this one guy. He could have been his brother or best friend. I, however, had to assume that this was this guys lover in his army days. It got me thinking. What if you were in the Navy or whatever and you met this guy, we'll call him James, and wow...ya know...he's just perfect for you, you get along well and you discover a connection. You both discover that you're both gay or bi. You fall madly in love and James has just enough rank to make sure you are always stationed together. You both love one another.

Then, while you're on the ship doing latrine duty, the ship gets hit by a passing japanese plane. Thirty of your crewmates are killed, before the cannons knock the plane out of the sky. Your first thoughts are of James above decks, you hit the top of the stairs...there is a giant mass of twisted metal and fire where James' post was. He's dead.

You have no one to console you. No one knows how you feel. You can't say anything to anyone. You suffer in silence...forever.

You serve out the remainder of your tour and move back home...you've got a giant hole in your heart, it will never heal. You marry a woman who you grow to love and have one child. Your wife and child wonder why you don't talk about the war.

It may not have happened to Mitch. In fact it probably didn't. But it happened to someone, maybe not the same scenario, but lovers were lost.

There's no point really...just a story...just a memorial to the silence.